Tuesday Tensions

In which I discuss five things weighing on my mind:

Weight – Holy Fatty McFatterson. I weigh more right now than I have ever weighed, outside of being pregnant with L. I attribute it to weaning myself off medication while suffering from horrible depression all summer, and then launching into the most stressful semester of all my studies. I also lost a lot of hair right around finals Mid-November. Super duper combo, right? I’m slated to team up with a Dietician at my Doctors office.

Money – Pretty typical. We have been on one fixed income for a couple years now. Credit cards are racked up, unexpected expenses always break the bank, but we do have food, a fair amount of items we want but do not need, and a very promising future after I graduate and as C progresses in his studies and career. Nonetheless, money is always on my mind.

Ex – An ever-changing and delicate situation. The number of hoops to jump through in order to bring about any sort of change is staggering, and this utterly squashes my sense of purpose and resolve. We are at a stage where L isn’t old enough to understand the What’s and Why’s of Ex’s behavior, even though it is becoming an increasingly important factor. I wish I had help on the other side, an advocate of some sort. I wish things were different.

Clinic – Hopefully the next 12 weeks will pass quickly with minimal distress. I just need to make it through, get out, and get on with my life. No more life or death scenarios, no more future hanging in the balance.

State of the USA – The recent shootings and responses are in my eyes unmistakably signs that we are slipping closer to the very states of countries/peoples we are fighting against. I don’t like how easy access to guns are, the role media plays in information transmission, or the pointless, self serving cruelty of people also lacking intelligence, honor, dignity and compassion. From the top political camps to insignificant men on the street, we are fighting each other and all losing.